Still Wondering
by Hallon
Summary: A companion to This Crazy World, set between part 13 and 14 of that story. A quiet night and too many unanswered questions.


**This Crazy World**

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**Summary:** A companion to _This Crazy World_, set between part 13 and 14 of that story. A quiet night and too many unanswered questions.

**A/N:** Yes, another one of the in between stories. I will continue to do these at some points in the story where they're needed, because we all know that neither Jess nor Luke are really the most sharing of guys.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gilmore Girls. That's pretty obvious, since if I did, Jess would still be in it and no one would have been abducted by aliens and changed personality.

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**Interlude 2. Still ****Wondering**

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He walked through the quiet town, hands shoved deep into his pockets, his legs automatically directing him to the bridge. The night was clear, the air chilly under the starlit sky and he shuddered a little as a cool breeze blew around him.

The night hadn't been the disaster he'd half expected; in fact they had mostly gotten along. They even had fun at some points. All in all it had gone well until Rory had called, shortly informing Lorelai that she was coming over before quickly hanging up.

Lorelai had looked uncomfortable, given him an apologetic smile and awkwardly told them she hadn't had the time to tell Rory that he was there. And he had quickly excused himself, remembered to thank her for the invitation after a pointed look from Luke, and left.

Once outside he wasn't sure why he left so abruptly. It wasn't as if Lorelai had kicked him out, even though she hadn't exactly objected. It had been an instinctive action, like a reflex, and he wasn't sure he wanted to sort out the reasons behind it.

Lost in thought he slowly made his way through the small gathering of trees, following the well known path he'd walked countless times before, and eventually reached the lake. For the first time since he left Lorelai's house he looked up and he instantly froze in place.

Someone was sitting in the middle of the bridge, legs pressed to her body, arms slung around them and her head resting on her knees. He knew who it was as soon as he saw her, if by instinct or because he recognized her in the faint light from the sky he wasn't sure.

He stood frozen to the ground, unable to tear his eyes away from her, and just as unable to move from his spot. He suddenly remembered a story about a basilisk he'd read a long time ago, and had the situation been any other than the present, he would have laughed at the ridiculous comparison.

But this wasn't any other situation. And he didn't think he could laugh even if he tried. Instead he felt something tighten inside of him and he swallowed, trying to push the feeling away.

He wasn't sure how long he had stood there watching in silence when she suddenly moved. It could have been minutes, or even hours for all he knew. It wasn't anything big. She only brought one of her hands up to her face, slowly wiping it under her eyes, one at the time, and he realized she was crying.

Just as the realization hit him he felt the knot tighten again and he swallowed painfully, not prepared for the swarm of emotions it stirred up inside him. He wasn't even aware he had moved until he was at the edge of the bridge, walking out on the planks and she whipped her head up.

She looked startled and quickly turned away again, furiously wiping away tears from her eyes with the heals of her hands, refusing to look back up as he quietly sat down beside her.

The silence between them was almost deafening and he had to fight not to give in to his almost overwhelming urge to get up and run back the same way he came. He had no idea what had propelled him to walk up to her, no less make him sit down beside her. And now that he was here he drew a complete blank as to what to do.

What are you supposed to do when you stumble upon your ex-girlfriend, who you're still angry at, and you might just still be in love with, and she's crying and obviously doesn't want you to know?

He didn't have an answer, and he strongly doubted there even was a good one. It was one of those situations that simply shouldn't happen, but he for some reason found himself in more and more often lately. Though to be fair, none of them had felt this surreal.

It didn't help that she was just sitting there, being just as quiet and still as him, only letting out a soft, and obviously involuntary, sniffle once in a while. To tell the truth, the situation was slowly driving him crazy. At least that was what he told himself when he found that the only clear thought on his mind was to take her in his arms and hold her until she stopped crying.

He was not supposed to care about her like that, not anymore at least. She had made it perfectly clear that she didn't, and still he just couldn't let go. It wasn't his place to comfort her and tell her everything would be ok. It hadn't been for a long time. And yet here he was, drawn to her like a moth to the flame.

She moved again, an instinctive motion to wipe away another stray tear, and he couldn't resist anymore. So he made a move to get closer. And she jumped, as if startled by his presence, and stared at him, fresh tears pooling at the edges of her eyes and slowly falling down her cheeks.

It only lasted for a second and then she was on her feet, frantically trying to get into her shoes that he just now noticed had been lying beside her all this time. It took him a moment to register what was happening and when he did she was almost done with her second shoe.

Hurriedly he stood up, desperately trying to come up with something that would make her stay, and heard himself say her name. It came out soft, almost pleading, and startled them both after the silence that had pervaded for so long. She raised her head almost automatically at his voice and their eyes met again.

He knew everything he was feeling at that moment was painfully obvious in his eyes, that she could read him like an open book if she wished. But right now he didn't care. He only wanted a chance, her to give him a chance to be there.

Instead she backed away and cast down her eyes, now filled to the brim with tears, and whispered something he couldn't hear. She whispered it again and this time he heard, a broken 'I'm sorry', and then she was gone, running off the bridge as fast as she could, stumbling over roots when she reached the trees and strayed from the path.

And he stood alone in the middle of the bridge, the world around him quiet, wondering if she had been there at all, the only thing left of her two soft words playing over and over in his head. Silently he stared after her, long after she had disappeared between the trees, and then he bowed his head, slowly walking back across the bridge.

And again he was walking the quiet streets of Stars Hollow, hands once more shoved deep into his pockets, letting his legs direct his steps in the still clear night, his shoulders hunched against the wind. To the casual observer it looked like he was just on his way back from a walk, still the same as when he went out.

This time was different though. This time his mind was racing with too many thoughts he didn't want to be thinking while the knot settled somewhere in his throat, making it hard to breathe.


End file.
